![]() When not online, Messiah doesn’t consider herself a woman. Players continue to develop stories with people online, and Messiah Blues’s experience is just one example of how people use the game to live out fantasies. Unlike games released by big studios, GMod let players construct their gaming experience, and after 16 years, it remains one of the most popular games on the computer gaming platform Steam. They designed characters to play as, worlds to play in, and narratives to play out. ![]() In online worlds, players created economic systems complete with banks, occupations, and salaries. Players used GMod to animate videos, develop their own games, and roleplay. As the game’s community grew, the sandbox became about more than just physics. In other words, it was a space where players could experiment with computer programming to test out physical objects like guns or spaceships. Garry Newman first released the game in 2004 as a physics sandbox. Garry’s Mod, or GMod for short, is exactly what it sounds like: a game created by one guy-Garry-in order to modify other games. Of course, none of what is taking place has actually occurred in the so-called “real world.” The TV production studio, the angry crowd, the cameras and lights: all of these are just parts of an online role-playing game called Garry’s Mod. Here I’m free to try it out.” When they hear this, the crowd erupts. When the cameras finally start rolling, the host’s first question homes in on her observation: why does she choose to come to a place where so many people despise her? Messiah decides to fan the flames and says, “I don’t just want to be a woman-I want to be the woman. ![]() Messiah makes idle chit-chat with the host, joking about how the men outside would rather see her dead than listen to her speak. A crowd of men, some with picket signs, are protesting her interview, and a lone security guard does his best to prevent them from rushing the stage. ![]() A small crew of news broadcasters flit about the space, preparing to go live, but the real commotion takes place in the lobby of the office building where their production has been staged. Messiah Blues adjusts her skirt and settles onto a leather couch in front of a hastily-prepared studio backdrop, a wild array of LED lights glancing off the camera’s lens. How some video game players find unlikely places to explore their identities, biases, and dark fantasies. Making the Real: The Online Lives of Garry’s Mod Players ![]()
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